May the Grinch Not Steal Your Christmas: A Ridiculous Rhyme

by Christa Hines on December 8, 2017

Dear readers,

Sometimes we all take life a little too seriously, especially around the holidays. I know I do! Between those long (mysteriously quiet) lines snaking through the post office, drivers teetering on road rage and shoppers losing their—well, you know—I decided I needed to add some levity to my season. Frankly, I was starting to get a little grouchy. In case you’re feeling the pressure too, here’s a poetic little parody I wrote to help ward off the Grinch. Happy holidays! 😉 

May the Grinch Not Steal Your Christmas

There they go. Those folks alight with their bright holiday glow.

Lightheartedly humming and singing, they had their Christmas decor up before Thanksgiving.

Why they’re impossibly merry, I snarl and sneer, feeling down right weary with their holiday cheer.

Why are they so happy and carefree? Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe my “shoes are too tight”. Maybe my “head isn’t screwed on just right”. 

Buried under a pile of messy ribbons and wrappings, I wonder and sigh at all of their neat holiday trappings.

Every year I try. Every year, I wonder why.

How much is enough? Why is this so tough?

But no one hears my whine above the din. I search for a sign that will help me win.

“There must be some way to quit this self-imposed hell!” I yell.

But how? Is it too late to start now?

I puzzle and puzzle and puzzle some more, until my befuzzled puzzler is quite sore.

I know! I’ll make a list of those nasty little “should-dos-but-don’t-really-want-tos”

Those are to blame for my holiday blues.

And if anyone dares to ask, they’ll be charged with the dreaded task!

A wicked grin lights up my face as I pull out a piece of paper without haste. I lick my lips with glee…tee-hee-hee!

I line up the offenders all in a row and choose which one will be the first to go.

Take that!

With a strike of my pen, a slender, but deadly axe of inky blue, I slash and murder that list of ne’er to-do.

Exhausted, I sit for a bit.

I feel something. What is it?

Why, that’s my sour grinchy frown turning upside down.

“All is not lost!” I shout.  Time to tackle the “have-tos” that lurk about.

The gifts for Jackie, Johnny and Sue. Those are the ones that I rue.

I search high and low, I hunt and I…whoa… what’s that I see? It’s Etsy!

A harvest of artists and crafters peddling glittering bling and vintage plasters.

With a click of my mouse, I’ll soon have a few chic gifts coming to the house.

Then there’s that holiday toast I agreed to host.  It’s the cooking and cleaning I dread the most.

I nervously drum my fingers. What do I do about these sorts of zingers?

With a tearful groan, I reach for a tissue, feeling all alone as I consider the issue.

“Wait…Get a clue, you! I’ll pick up prepared foods and hire a cleaning crew too!”

With a giggle, I clap my lap and jump to my feet. I’ll get to see my friends without missing a beat.

Christmas can bring cheer far and near. I just needed to know how, my dear.

To thine own self be true, make it a holiday that’s just right for you.

‘Tis the season for friends, family and spirit. I shall not fear it.

And that’s my silly tale of how the Grinch didn’t steal Christmas comes to an end, my friend.

See you around the bend of a glorious new year, complete with everyday miracles and more holiday cheer.

May you celebrate what matters most and remember the reason. Best wishes to you for a happy holiday season!

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